Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My Ice Odyssey And The Short Pants Guy

Yesterday my car was frozen.

I don’t mean just the locks were jammed. I mean snow had settled so thickly over my car that the bottom layer had turned to ice over the edges of both the driver side door and the passenger side door. Yesterday my car was not going to open up. It was like,

So I had to do without my car for the day. But I’ve lived with Chicago weather my whole life and frozen cars are pretty easy to deal with. Late yesterday afternoon I brushed off the snow and scrapped off the surface ice from the windshield, the driver side window and the T-top. This morning when the Sun came up, the light was able to shine into my car, warm up the black upholstery and the hot air in the car was able to melt the ice around the edges of the doors. I had to spray de-icer into the driver side door keyhole to unfreeze the lock, but that was pretty easy.

Now everything is back to normal. I never had to try the emergency airlock without my space helmet and expose myself directly to the hard vacuum of deep space.

Legend has it that astronauts have a lot of groupies and I’d bet that an astronaut who did that Dave Bowman thing and braved the vacuum of space without a complete suit would, you know, always have a woman to, you know, talk with about physics. So to speak.

I was wondering about tough guys recently because during the most intense part of the freezing blizzard that covered up my car I took a walk to a nearby store and there was a middle age guy there buying ice tea and the guy was wearing short pants. He was in line ahead of me at checkout and after he paid and left, I talked to the pretty young woman working the register.

“When a woman sees a guy in weather like this wearing short pants,” I asked, “does she think he must be a real tough guy and does she feel attracted to him, do short pants in cold weather make a woman swoon?”

The girl smirked then laughed and said, “When I see a guy wearing short pants in cold weather it always makes me think he’s psychotic and it tells me to keep my distance.”

Everyone in line behind me laughed, and people chatted about how almost everyone had seen a lot of guys this year wearing short pants in freezing weather and everyone agreed the ‘fashion’ just makes them think the guys are either incredibly stupid or just insane.

So my ice odyssey was a short one. I’m back to getting into my car whenever I want. In the course of my ice odyssey I didn’t witness many strange places and strange people, but I did see an oddball guy wearing short pants during a blizzard.

I don’t, right now, have more to say about this. But I have a feeling someday I’ll think of something more to say. This business of guys wearing short pants in freezing weather is weird. Maybe these are the guys that go out with the women who wear pants with letters and words emblazoned across their butt?

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