Monday, December 13, 2010

How To Shop With Beethoven

You’re in a grocery store with Beethoven
looking for cage-free, omega-3 eggs
and he opens his ‘conversation book’
and scribbles and shows it to you. You read,
“What’s the store playing on the sound system?”

You’re so tired of all the scribbling you write,
“It’s Creatures of Prometheus. Someone
did the overture for guitars and drums.”

Beethoven yells and snatches back the book.
He furiously scribbles big letters,
“No, this time you will not fool me like that.
I checked my residual sheets. Muzak
never licenses my work any more.”

So you look all chagrinned and nod and write,
“Yes, it’s really The Barber of Saville.”

Beethoven yells and slaps the book and writes,
“Rossini, that Italian hack bastard!”

Then he gets to muttering to himself
and making punching and throwing gestures
with his hands and spends the next hour cursing
embarrassingly loud but at least now
he leaves you alone to do the shopping.