The Spaceship That Joked

I like to post as many different kinds of my writing as I can, and it occurred to me a few days ago that it’s been a long time since I put up any ‘normal’ prose—a story written not in verse. So that’s what’s up for today. This is what writers and editors call a short-short, a story less than a thousand words. It’s short, but I like it a lot. It’s kind of a snapshot of my life right now...





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The Spaceship That Joked

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I flopped down into the pilot’s chair and closed my eyes. I let out a long breath. Another trip to the Belt. I’m a forty-eight year old guy asteroid hopping. Talk about living from pay check to pay check.

I opened my eyes. Monitor systems were all green. I could barely find the energy to reach over and touch the control screen to power on the main circuits. But I did, then let my hand fall back into my lap. With everything still flashing green, I activated the main computer.

“Alison,” I said. “Wake up. Good morning. We’ve got places to go.”

After an almost imperceptible delay – it might have been my imagination – a transcript window opened on a utility screen and my spaceship spoke to me through the main speakers as her words and mine scrolled into the deck log.

“Sam, right this minute the sun is going down in Greenwich,” Alison said. “So it’s good evening. All systems are normal. Our flight plan has been approved. We are clear to leave the field. Shall we lift off?”

“Alison, it’s off to the asteroids,” I said, ignoring her query.

“Sam, yes, I saw that on the flight plan.”

“Alison, it’s New Las Vegas,” I said. “Rock hopping.” I let out another long breath. “Alison,” I said, “tell me a joke about New Las Vegas.”

“Sam, I heard a story from one of the plasma freighters just back from the Belt. It seems a fellow wanted to take a trip to New Las Vegas but he had almost no credits in his accounts. So he asked a travel agent to book him the cheapest, most economical package at the cheapest, most economical hotel in New Las Vegas. When the man arrived and checked in, the desk clerk gave him his room pass and told him he’d have to carry his own bags. The man hefted his suitcases and took the lift up to his room. After one look inside, the man hurried back to the lift and spoke again to the desk clerk. The man said, ‘I know I wanted something inexpensive,’ he said, ‘but that room is hardly big enough to be a closet. I’m sure I can spend a little more. Is it possible for you upgrade me to a more deluxe package?’ The desk clerk studied the man, then asked, ‘Sir, when you were in the lift, did a gang of hooligans beat you up and steal your luggage?’ The man said, ‘No.’ The clerk said, ‘Then, sir, I think you’re already getting our deluxe package.’”

I smiled, nodding. I inhaled a deep breath and sat forward in my chair. I tapped the control screen to verify lift off sequence.

“Alison, let’s go,” I said. “Let’s get this deluxe life of mine back in the sky.”

“Sam, yes sir,” Alison said.

The ship vibrated as the field coils energized.

We lifted off.

The End

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Really careful readers of this blog will have recognized that this story recycles a joke I wrote three years ago. [The Economy Travel Package Horror] I thought twice about that, but I still like the joke and I like it better with a story around it. So, there you go. I try not to waste things.