The Goblin Universe Sexuality Gedankenexperiment

Imagine yourself driving along a quiet, suburban street. It is a warm, sunny afternoon.

Up ahead, to the right, you see a beautiful young woman in cut-off jeans and a thin tee shirt washing her car. She is a curvaceous teenager getting all wet as she suds up and rinses off her car.

Up ahead, to the left, you see a handsome young man in tennis shorts and a thin tee shirt washing his car. He is a firmly-muscled teenager getting all wet as he suds up and rinses off his car.

Introspect on your reactions to this suburban scene.

We will now evaluate the experiment and derive our results. There are three possible conclusions.

One: If you find yourself looking to the right and thinking about the young woman, then you are probably attracted to women.

Two: If you find yourself looking to the left and thinking about the young man, then you are probably attracted to men.

Three: If you find yourself looking right and left and thinking to yourself, “Wow! A ’65 Shelby Mustang and a ’65 Corvette Stingray! Cool cars!” then you are probably Jay Leno.