Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Miranda And Caliban In A Late 60s Piano Bar

This is going to be a very strange post.

And I apologize in advance if any of this offends anybody.

Here’s some set-up for this.

At the end of last year, I did a post that included three jokes “a nineteenth century comedian might tell” — New Calendar And Pioneering Birds. And recently I did a post that included a visit to “The Obsolete Technology Website” — Searching For Miranda And Caliban.

Today’s post is something like sort of a kind of combination of those two posts. Today’s post is three jokes that are themselves obsolete technology, obsolete humor technology, because the jokes are about people and personalities and a whole era that probably almost nobody these days even remembers.

So I’m including Wikipedia links at the end of the post to all the people the jokes are about. That of course won’t really capture the tone of the people and their personalities, but, well, I wanted to do the post anyway.

It seems to me that in the world of writing, there must be nothing worse than dubious jokes which have to include Wikipedia links to even make sense to anybody in the current world.

That having been said, for some reason that my conscious mind has no grasp of at all, a few days ago I made up these jokes.

The only context I can imagine for these things is that maybe there’s an outside chance a mad scientist, mouse or otherwise, will invent time travel for real and I’ll be able to go back and get a job singing pop songs in a piano bar in some highway town between Los Angeles and Las Vegas in the late Sixties or early Seventies, and, someday back then, I will need patter to fill time between songs.

I don’t know. Your guess is probably better than mine.

Maybe someday a future me will use a time machine to come back and explain why I made up these things. I don’t know. But I’m going to put these here just in case.


1) A Laugh-In’s Bikini Girl Joke

Bob Newhart and Goldie Hawn walk into a bar. Kurt Russell is sitting at a table and looks up and says, “There you are, Newhart! I just spent the last half hour looking all over the bar trying to find where you were playing hide-and-seek with my Goldie.” And Bob Newhart says, “What a coincidence. I just spent the last half hour looking all over Goldie trying to find where to play hide-and-seek with my bar.”

2) A Rat Pack Joke, Part One:

Joey Bishop, Charlie Callas and Shelley Berman walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, you guys just missed Joey Heatherton, Angie Dickenson and Shirley MacLaine.” And Joey Bishop says, “No, you heard wrong. We just missed Joey Heatherton, but you should see what we did to Angie Dickinson and Shirley MacLaine.”

3) A Rat Pack Joke, Part Two:

Joey Heatherton, Angie Dickinson and Shirley MacLaine walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, you girls just missed Joey Bishop, Charlie Callas and Shelley Berman.” Angie Dickenson and Shirley MacLaine don’t say anything, they just blush. And Joey Heatherton says, “No, we didn’t. But they did just miss me again.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Goldie Hawn
at Wikipedia

Bob Newhart
at Wikipedia

Kurt Russell
at Wikipedia

Joey Bishop
at Wikipedia

Charlie Callas
at Wikipedia

Shelley Berman
at Wikipedia

Joey Heatherton
at Wikipedia

Angie Dickinson
at Wikipedia

Shirley MacLaine
at Wikipedia

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