I’m Picturing Taylor Swift Naked

“And as much as I can prevent people picturing me naked, I’m going to.”

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10. I’m picturing Taylor Swift standing on a NASCAR car naked drinking a glass of milk.

9. I’m picturing Taylor Swift sitting at a card table naked with four or five dogs playing poker.

8. I’m picturing Taylor Swift stepping out of a spaceship naked at a secret government movie studio faking a landing on Mars.

7. I’m picturing Taylor Swift standing on the trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange naked explaining to Maria Bartiromo what’s wrong with our economy.

6. I’m picturing Taylor Swift standing outside an Apple store naked trying to figure out how to use her new Apple iPhone.

5. I’m picturing Taylor Swift at a self-serve gas station naked inserting the premium gas nozzle into the fuel tank of her Volkswagen Beetle.

4. I’m picturing Taylor Swift sprawled on a couch naked watching episodes of CSI:NY all afternoon.

3. I’m picturing Taylor Swift lifting a plastic trash bag out of a trash bin naked and when the bag rips and garbage falls out she stomps her foot.

2. I’m picturing Taylor Swift in my kitchen naked standing on tip-toes looking through all the cabinets for a box of Frosted Flakes or Lucky Charms and not finding any.

1. I’m picturing Taylor Swift standing next to the weeded, bare ground of my spring garden naked holding a packet of marigold seeds in her left hand and a packet of zinnia seeds in her right hand and saying, “I like the zinnias best.”