Mischa Barton, Mischa Barton

Now and then people say this or that owl
is really the daughter of some baker.
We know what other people are, but guess
at what other people really might be.

Mischa Barton went from Los Angeles
to London to learn about Shakespeare’s plays.

I knew a young woman who looked so much
like Mischa Barton that I wondered if
Mischa Barton was researching a role
as a hot, young beauty toiling away
in an anonymous suburban job.

Since in my deepest, secret soul I feel
life is for the most part very much like
a Danny Kaye movie—you know, people
in other people’s places, playing roles—
or like Greek mythology, I asked her.

I asked the beautiful suburban girl
who looked exactly like Mischa Barton
if she was Mischa researching a role.

I planned, of course, to hint that I’d expose
her presence in the suburb unless she
used her influence to put together
a development deal for a two-hour
made-for-TV thriller I was writing.
Mischa would play an ichthyologist
investigating sea serpent sightings
in Lake Champlain. I wanted Penn Jillette
to co-star as her grad student sidekick.

Mischa Barton dated Brandon Davis,
heir to the Marvin Davis oil fortune.
“I dipped my foot in that pool,” Mischa says.
“But in the end I’m not part of that world.”
They split up and Mischa went to London
to read, study and perform Shakespeare’s plays.

I asked this beautiful suburban girl
who looked exactly like Mischa Barton
if she was Mischa researching a role.

It turned out she wasn’t Mischa Barton.

And, of course, this suburban girl didn’t
assume I was a writer looking to
further my writing career through standard
show business quid pro quo maneuvering.
She assumed I was, well, something like a
barn owl looking to snap up a field mouse.

We know what other people are, but guess
at what other people really might be.

Which is not to say that I’m not something
like an owl looking to snap up a mouse.

Mischa Barton went to London to learn
what Shakespeare thought about country matters.

The girl that looked exactly like Mischa
got married, started her own business and
is living happily ever after.

Mischa Barton came back from studying
Shakespeare in London and is hoping for
a key role in a television show
about sexy, desperate suburban wives.

A mysterious society of
international banker-alchemists
somehow mixed up me and another guy
and now I’m on the run with a famous
retired woman tennis player who looks
very much like actress Vera-Ellen.

We know what we are, not what we might be.